I have been struggling since I got here (well, I suppose since before I got here) with the fact that I am existing in a place so near a fairy-land, a place where food is abundant and shared, work is a place for fun and learning, learning applies to all aspects of self and not textbooks alone – basically that I have everything going for me, I’m in the land and the time of opportunity, and what the heck am I doing for the rest of the world? If there’s so much abundance here, why aren’t I sharing it with someone who needs it more? The practicality of this idea is a little unattainable, since everything here is more or less shared, but I did choose to come to a place where that was the case.
I have this idea that if I’m not contributing to the world, specifically the physically impoverished world, I am not living the life I know I can and want to live. However, I don’t know what exactly I can contribute to that “impoverished world”, aside from flinging money at it, which is part of the reason I’m here. And that sounds like a good answer to my question, but... things - well, emotions and convictions - still come up.
I was talking today to a young man I admire for his courage in pursuing his dream and talent of writing while he lives and works at Findhorn. I have always gotten a deep satisfaction and a thrill out of hearing about and encouraging people’s dreams, so I asked about his writing. He told it me that it was “like heaven here” (at Findhorn), that he was excited to explore other forms of writing while here, etc. etc, and at first I was so excited – I find it easier to get excited for others than I do for myself because I don’t need to exercise caution when I can see that someone would benefit from a little heartfelt encouragement, so the temperature in our conversation rose as we talked about literature, forms of sharing stories and poetry, all of which I’m passionate about, and on the wave of our excitement he expressed how perfectly his days fit in with his dreams – he was merely expressing how happy and fulfilled he felt, but I felt a figurative grey veil fall slowly over me, my face sank and my heart twisted and grew angry as I thought of all the human beings who will never even have the opportunity to witness, let alone experience, the joy that he was feeling.
And yet here I am, spending thousands of dollars on finding that kind of joy and prosperity – my only solace is that I know I need a set of skills in order to effectively bring prosperity to any part of the planet, and I am here to develop those skills with a heavy emphasis on compassion.
Help. How can I help? How can I be most effective in the world? I want to bring both life and quality of life to those around me – something to the effect of teaching a man to fish instead of handing him a fish… I don’t want to just teach rich people how to be happy, and I don’t just want to give food to poor people… and the frustrating thing is finding these things for myself so I can understand how to share them – a lifelong process, I know… but where do I start? I mean really start?
I guess that’s why I came here – and thank you for supporting me, I promise your love and resources will not be wasted.
Any thoughts…?
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2 comments:
you can't expect to take on the burden of all the world's impoverished without receiving the proper training first. give yourself a break.
After reading this blog I had a conference with myself, and each of me weighed in thoughtfully.
The glib Joel said"you'll get over it".
The escapist Joel said "My proven prescription to address that kind of thinking is 1 pint of Dove brand chocolate brownie affair. Oh, babie!"
The practical Joel said "Just take it one day at a time. Yeah, and don't take any wooden nickels (unless they use those in Scotland)"
The random Joel said "Puppies. They make me smile"
The empathic Joel said "I know how you feel. Sometimes. Sort of."
The fatherly Joel said, with great sincerity "I love you and I love how you care so much and want to be an asset in our world. You have been, and you will be. You must continue with patience, with courage, with hope... and have some fun along the way!"
Then the analytical Joel shouldered his way through, not to be left out....."Read through what you wrote again. In it are some clues to answers that could help you in your pursuit. Notice how in tune you are to the struggle that goes on in you, but also in others. As unpleasant as that is in the moment, you might find that self awareness as well as ability to empathize will serve in the future. Also, you are an encourager. It's as natural to you as breathing, and here's a newsflash.....not everybody is that way! This will also serve you well, sometimes in more far-reaching ways than you can fathom. Another clue you offered was what you refered as your "only solace"..... recognizing that you are in process of developing skills. You are adding to your already valuable reservoir of experience, knowledge, and exposure. You must be willing to not only continue in this process, but embrace that process. I don't have any doubt that you'll be engaged in important, impactful things in your future. Along the way I think it's very important and impactful that you are encouraging a new friend, crying with another one, learning things, fully engaging in the moment. These are the good old days!"
Then the tired Joel said to all the others "Dudes! Go to bed!" And they did, in one big, crowded bed. But they were careful to leave room for their wife.
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